REALITY Is, She Is Not DATING

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♥LOVE♥, everyone wants to take a hold of it. The feeling to be loved is one one will trade the world to attain. Love in the eyes of the student is different in all stages. At the basic stages of education, students are teased with that lady or guy they usually don’t get along with in class. Someway, somehow, they get closer to that person and in a way portray the boyfriend-girlfriend, mom-dad friendship with a playful commitment which is shown in falsified kisses and exchange of gifts. The gifts could be as small as a toffee or as great as an act of helping one with the assignment given by that supposed “wicked” maths and science teacher. At the basic stage of education, there is no pressure to be in any supposed male-female relationship.

Here comes High school, the avenue of great peer pressure. It is almost a taboo to be single. You need not have a girlfriend or boyfriend because you love him/her, you must have one because you love the idea of having a date in the pursuit of escaping the ridicule of your mates. Blind dates are common here because relationships are cross-country due to locations of schools. Alliances like POJOKRO (Pope John Senior High Schoon ‘n’ Minor Seminary – Krobo Girls Senior High School) & SPEROSA(St.Peter’s Senior High – St.Roses Senior High)are formed. Parties of  relationships portray their love through the medium of letter writing, WhatsApp and calls. In my time at PJ (2010-2013), tiGo helped us by giving the bonus of texting for free, after 9pm. Many students ended up with tiGo sims to enjoy that feature and this helped many students stay in touch with their dates in other schools. Sadly for students in relationships, they normally met only at interschool bashes and events. Then they portray their love within the shortest possible time with kisses. Some are strong enough to have sex behind the trees or at any hidden location. Sextapes for the public’s utilisation can erupt though if the guy involved needs evidence to brag to his friends about f**king that beautiful girl in that popular school. Most of these relationships end after high school, out of the fact that, they were not born out of true love but rather out of the pressures of  school. The home is a place and time of convenience, one gets the courage to end the relationship.

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The Relationship Status Quo in Tertiary Institutions
Now, relationships at the tertiary levels are the most complicated and is the reason for this piece. Pride, class and future aspirations set in. Unlike high school level which needs to date because everyone is dating, the tertiary level has the near future in mind. I normally say this “According to Stats, females are more than males yet every lady you ask out says the three powerful and hurtful words from the ears of a desperate guy ‘I am dating.’” Many guys can share the sentiments with me. Another issue on tertiary campuses is that, ladies are going to be almost perfectly nice to you until you start showing signs of romantic interest.  They will make you feel less important than you felt with them initially. That’s the status quo. But the truth is that, more than many of the ladies who claim to be dating are really not dating and the fact she is ignoring you does not guarentee she does not like you.

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Why She Says She Is In A Relationship?
You have seen Marilyn Munroe at a lecture hall. Her beauty sweeps you off your feet and you are scared to approach because simple logic according to comparison knocks you in the head and says “she ain’t your class.” You simply know that the girl you saw is soo beautiful and your chances are slim. Certainly you’ve heard your conscience telling you there’s a guy in love with that same lady who is taller, more handsome, classy, rich and dope than you are. You’ve given up before even saying “Hi“. How are you going to feel when you later realise she is not dating? You are definitely going to be very happy but the other side of your feelings will be absolute SHOCK! and a simple form of DISGUST for your initial scare when you saw her at the lecture. Now, before all these will happen, a lady has preconcieved with foresight to know you will have this feeling. For that matter, she rubs those painful words into your eyes. The words, “I’m in a relationship.” That gives her the chance to be protected even before the attack comes.

Another explanation to why she says no is simply to test and weigh your feelings for her. A lady as beautiful as mermaids in old  tales is certainly having many guys lusting after her. This fact she knows well and sometimes gets her petrified. When you approach, simple logic tells her “that guy is in all because of TONGA.” Who decides not to play wise when the thought of her being potentially foolish in the near future hits? The best remedy is to tell you she is occupied. She also believes in the saying “True love is patient” and decides to use you as an experiment to test your own love for her. When you are displeased by the hurtful words, she is assured you were one of those guys who wanted to get into her pants and takes the hard decision to forget you even existed.

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Ladies have issues. Menstruation periods are issues. Emotional trauma from occurences in the past could make her aggressive and more rude at the time you want to ask her out. Man by nature finds it difficult to think in the midst of anger, woman is no exception. It could be, you asked her out at the wrong time.

Social Media Can Be Evidence She Ain’t Dating
Technology does not only make work faster and easier, in fact, it has no boundaries. Pastors are now using Tablets, reiterating the fact that even religion has been affected by the goodies of technology. Through technological outputs, we found social media. We were able to make friends from all over the world without a ticket or Visa card. All you needed was an internet device with internet connectivity. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat, Tango, Tumblr and the recent Tinder have been of great help to the youth of our generation. The mobile phone in itself has built a deceptive trait among many of its users. Someone is making it rain at the club and he tells you he’s in the sanctuary of the St.Sylvanus Catholic Church. People lie with the help of technology. WhatsApp is now very common in tertiary institutions and has gone that far to be used as a medium to disperse information at virtually all places. Now, if you asked her out and she says she is saying “no” because she is already in a relationship, WhatsApp messenger might be able to make you aware whether or not she is telling the truth. WhatsApp Display Pictures (DPs) and status tell a whole lot. Be assured that if someone keeps something there, they want you to see it and be aware. It takes an effort to change a dp and rewrite a status, so be perfectly assured that the frequent dp and status changer cares what you see. Now, its almost impossible for someone in a well committed relationship to have a dp or status dormant as long as their relationship is concerned. Once in a while, you should see a picture of her boyfriend, or maybe a status depicting a lovely  and romantic affection. I am not talking about the frequent dp changes and statuses that occur with respect to an acquaintance or friend’s birthday. Talking about dp changes with the picture staying for at least a week, and a status depicting love for the one in the picture. Check her dp and status for a reasonable time, it should tell you something. A boyfriend might even request that his girlfriend use his picture as a dp to declare that she is taken. Some guys even have the tendency, to use the pictures of their girlfriends just to make them think they are faithful. If her dp and status is always talking about her and only her, something has got to be wrong somewhere. She is either a player or not in a committed relationship.

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Persistence Is An Antedote to the Negative Status Quo
As said earlier, ladies are usually going to say NO, but that shouldn’t end there. After all, you can now be sure she might be saying no for logical reasons and not necessarily sentimental reasons. The thing about love is that, it makes one look foolish, thus operates in line with the heart and not the brain. That is the explanation to the question of why people of different social, class and backgrounds are able to make it in marriages. If her heart is yours, there is chances you will get her only and only if you are ready to persist. Only if you are able to maker her well informed through actions that the love you have for her is not primarily based on her curvaceous body but on her personality. Never give up, no matter what happens will come for your good. You will get her or learn from your arduous quest to get her. Learning from your quest to get her will definitely help you in future relationships by preventing the repetition of mistakes you may have committed in case she said no eternally. Nothing comes free. The best quality comes with an unusual price to pay. That lady is also beautiful in the eyes of many other guys and its more like a rat race to get her. Persist, and you will smile either way.

Demi Lovato Sets In
Persistence has results. Think of this. What will happen if the lady lied she is not available and later realises you are Prince Charming? What is the best way to come out? Many ladies are definitely not going to spill the beans they lied. She will come out of a lie with a lie. This is how the lie will emerge. “I have issues with my boyfriend. He seems not to care anymore and he cheated on me. I’m done with him.” A lady with Harriet Tubman or Yaa Asantewaa’s courage will sing out some parts of Demi Lovato’s “Really Don’t Care” to her imagery ex to you.

You wanna play, you wanna stay, you wanna have it all. You started messing with my head until I hit a wall. Maybe I shoulda known, maybe I shoulda known. That you would walk, you would walk out the door.
Hey! Said we were done, you met someone and rubbed it in my face. Cut to the punch, she broke your heart, and then she ran
away. I guess you shoulda known, I guess you shoulda known. That I would talk, I would talk. But even if the stars and moon collide. I never want you back into my life. You can take your words and all your lies. Oh oh oh I really don’t care.” – Demi Lovato_Really Don’t Care (DEMI album_2013)

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And You Live Happily Ever After With Her
Now, what happens when she sings Demi’s song to her fake ex, you live happily ever after according to the boundaries of how long the relationship will stay. You emerged victorious and used the understanding to beat a complicated woman into having her.
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SUMMARY
I am not sure if 90% of the ladies in the University (mostly KNUST) are players but  absolutely sure they are not in a committed relationship. WhatsApp DPs tell a lot now. That lady only tells you she’s dating because she doesn’t want you to portray her as that beautiful classy thing who had romantic loneliness as a friend all this while. Press on a little harder and if she likes you, she will eventually come out with the lie “I broke up with my boyfriend, he cheated on me and I’m singing Demi Lovato’s ‘Really Don’t Care’“. That is when you will ask, how come?

Take Note of the Following.
⊙This post is based on generalizations and there are surely exceptions.

⊙The post is taken from a typical Ghanaian university setting and might not be universally applicable.

⊙Some ladies are just not meant for you and you should back off when she starts singing the same Demi’s “Something That We’re Not”.

⊙If you tried your ultimate best and it never worked out, know there’s someone better out there who deserves your love.

⊙We learn to love. We can also unlearn to love.

FB: Achaab_dan GH
Twitter: @AcHaaB_dAn
IG: achaab_dan_gh
E-mail: achaabdan@gmail.com

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